Communication Breakdown

If I was in the Blue Man group, I wouldn't start eating Chicken bones.

I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, nor would anyone know I was choking.

Bush's new Domestic Policy: Anti-"The O.C."

Things were really start to get interseting between Cohen, Zach & Summer again, Julie had just been forgiven by Caleb, and Cooper & Ryan almost kissed again. A week full of girlish expectations, dashed at the hands of our resident village idiot.

Listen Prez, make your own private morality & ideology the publics' on someone else's TiVo. A quandry indeed. I can't bad thumb the ott's version of Dawson Creek for it simply following my orders to record the O.C. timeslot. Then again it was entertaining watching him dodge questions like a 1970's Air Force recruitment pamphlet.

Then I thought, how appropriate, W wants to practically outlaw "them queers", what a better political stance to take than to take away viewing priviledges for a show that only a few weeks prior, was riddled with lesbian raciness. He might be more clever than we thought folks. No, he's still an idiot.

If you want to unite instead of divide this country George, start by giving the teen masses their weekly dose of visual oxi-contin. Of all the times to pick to end your 3 year long streak of having no press conferences, you could have at the very least shot for America's Next Top Model's time slot.

You, The Soup Nazi, and Joey Trebbiani are similar in your own ways, but having a Thursday night prime time spot isn't one of them.

Vegas should recruit Ebay idiots

I either am an Ebay idiot, or I must just have the same spending & consuming habits as the whole lot of them out there.

I attract these yayhoos like web photos of Britney, attract my mouse click. This is the third auction this month that someone saw the flop and went all in, four hours into a 7 day auction.

Do you really need to tell me, half an egg-beaters sandwich into My Favorites email, that you need Evil Lynne as much as I do to finish out your Masters of the Universe collection? She's no Teela for Christ's sake.

Orko? Hell no. Battle-Cat maybe. I'd even go She-Ra if the shipping was cheap. But Evil Lynne?

I know, I know, she's no Masters of the Universe DiMaggio card, but a twenty something with a thing for Hasbro has to make up for the Christmas of '86 somehow.

You better bring it poodlemom98.

Oprima el numero Dos

You ever wonder if you call a 1-800 number,

get an automated phone answer,

and then press 2 for Spanish,

they'll play Tejano while you're on hold?

Fly away home dear child, fly away

A buddy of mine just recently moved on from our place of work.

Every year, the management takes us out to the lake and rents a party barge.

Mainly I'm just bummed that I'll never again get to see his washboard abs.

We're all getting Punk'd

Around 8:30 last night I flipped open a Gideon I lifted from a HoJo, and frantically searched the verses in Revelation, but to no avail. No mention of Scott Savol.

Has this 7-headed dragon from the sea really won over a melodic crush from the Great American Public? I wonder how he took the time away from painting clowns, or police batoning his girlfriend with a Nokia, to spend honing his sweet "The Touch & Feel of Cotton" pipes. Show yourself Ashton.

You know...

It would've been less creepy if Michael had slept with La Toya.

Who here has good aim?

There's a sign in the break room of our office from the local paper "Best Of" Awards.

We won for "Best Stool".

I wonder who they got to give the specimen.

Let me guess, "Wild Thing"

Ok. I play guitar. And you could say it is probably the most unoriginal instrument out there to pick from. Even Avril Lavigne can "play" one.That is still one person more than one of our benevolent writers here.

I can see how it might have started too. At a Billy Idol concert circa '88, he figured out if you take a pick to the strings, you get noise. That leaves 17 years to learn a new riff. Tupac was more prolific after he was dead.

Every opportunity to climb the stairs and hang, a new invite to grab the Epiphone and crank out some, sophmoric at best, Troggs. I'd be fine with Cobain, any other remedial scales, chords & progressions.

One day he'll throw me a little "Powerslave" or "Hallowed be Thy Name", and we'd be getting some nasty carpet burns. The axe is here to alleiviate stress, not compound it. It makes me want to learn the French horn. Plus, the guy volunteers with kids. Who knows how many minutes before he came in, he was cleaning Huggies residue of his knuckles, and now they're groping Lucille.